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JokesX Update JokesX  
RSS 6 |  JokesX

Math Teacher Writes Love Letter -My Dear differential Sweet Heart
My Dear differential Sweet Heart,

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There I saw you with our cute circular face,conical nose and spherical eyes,standing in your triangular garden.

What is the past participle of the verb TO RING
Examination Jokes 
Student Jokes 

Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.

My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me.

The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity.

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(Published: Fri, 18 Mar 2016 00:09:00 -0700)

School - Teacher -What is the past participle of the verb TO RING
Miss Jones had just given her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets, and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time. 

Miss Jones said, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?" 

A little boy in the front row proudly said, "You're a mother!


SelfStudy Education Requirements for Policy Agents
Student And Examination Jokes
School And Student Jokes

Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.

The teacher came up with a good problem. 'Suppose,' she asked the second-graders, 'there were a dozen sheep and six of them jumped over a fence. How many would be left?'

'None,' answered little Norman.
'None? Norman, you don't know your arithmetic.'
'Teacher, you don't know your sheep. When one goes, they all go!'
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(Published: Thu, 17 Mar 2016 12:24:22 -0700)

Professional Courtesy - Funny Lawyer Humor-Questions One-Liner Answer
Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

A. Professional courtesy.


Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?

A. A mouth with a life support system


Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?

A. Other lawyers look interested.


Car Jesus And Divorce Lawyer

Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

A. Not enough sand.

Read more »
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(Published: Wed, 02 Mar 2016 11:06:45 -0800)

Santa Rocks EveryOne Shocked - Punjabi Humor Collection
Santa Banta Jokes
Santa : When I get mad at you,you never fight back. How do you control your anger?

Son : I clean the toilet bowl.

Santa : How does that help?

Son : I use your toothbrush!

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said 'Switched Off'!"

Banta : Nahi Pape, it's my HELLO TUNE!

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.

Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

MP Singh Job Interview

Interviewer: What is skeleton?

Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop it..!!!

Banta : Wo Ladki Deaf Lagti Hai. Main Kuch Kehta Hoon, Woh Kuch Aur Hi Bolti Hai.

Santa : Kaise?

Banta : Maine Kaha I Luv U, To Woh Boli 'Maine Kal Hi Naye Sandal kharide hain'

A crow shits on Banta. Preeto gives tissue paper to him.

Banta: Koi Fhayda Nahin, Kauwa Toh Udd Gaya..!

Daku Mangal Singh Banta Ke Ghar Mein Ghu Ayaa..

Daku : Sona kahan hai, Jaldi Bataao..!

Banta : Pura Ghar Khali Hai Malko, Jithe Marzi So Jao!
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(Published: Fri, 25 Dec 2015 22:23:00 -0800)

Microsoft Support Office Humor - Elementary Concept
A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport.
There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor.

Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away.Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel.

The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it.
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(Published: Sun, 20 Dec 2015 10:30:07 -0800)

Anna Nicole Smith - Celebrities Jokes Collection - One-Liner Punchlines
Question: Why did Anna Nicole Smith marry 80-year old billionaire J. Howard Marshall?
Answer: Because a successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend! 

Question: Why should Anna Nicole Smith marry for money?
Answer: Because you can borrow it for cheaper and get bailed out if necessary!

Funny Punchlines - Love is photogenic

Question: What did Anna Nicole Smith do when she heard that 90% of accidents in the US occur around the home?
Answer: She moved to the Bahamas!

Question: Why was Anna Nicole Smith's navel always sore?
Answer: Because Dannielynn's father was also blond!

Question: Why was Anna Nicole Smith afraid of taking a paternity test?
Answer: Anna never scores well on tests!

Question: What's the difference between a Hard Rock Hotel and a Days Inn? 
Answer: Anna Nicole Smith wouldn't be seen dead in a Days Inn. (Anna was found dead at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida on February 8th, 2007)
Read more »
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(Published: Sat, 19 Dec 2015 15:16:01 -0800)

MP Singh Job Interview - Mentally Punctured
MP Singh Job Interview Question And Answers in a Reputed Multinational Company:








Read more »
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(Published: Thu, 05 Nov 2015 00:45:00 -0800)

Agent Broker Actuary In Saudi Arabia :Strap the actuary onto my back
A broker, an actuary and an agent are all caught drinking smuggled liquor while staying in Saudi Arabia. Under Saudi law, simply possessing alcohol is an offence punishable by death.

However, the local prince is feeling generous that day, so he commutes the death sentence and instead sentences each to 20 lashes. After further thought, the prince does not want to offend the American government, so he also grants each a wish to ease their suffering.

The broker is punished first because he drank the most.

“What is your wish?”, asks the Saudi prince.

“I’d like to have a pillow on my back,” replies the broker.
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(Published: Tue, 03 Nov 2015 10:28:54 -0800)

Pigeon Buster And Insurance Salesman - Getting Rid of Pigeons Of The City
There is a huge pigeon problem in the city – pigeon droppings are everywhere and it is a real mess. The mayor tells his staffers to find a way to get rid of the pigeons forever. Many things are tried, but nothing seems to be able to get rid of the pigeons.

Finally the staffers find a “pigeon buster” who guarantees to get rid of the pigeons. The pigeon buster tells the mayor that he will get rid of the pigeons immediately, and that he will wait three weeks to get paid. The fee will be five million dollars – plus one million dollars for each question asked.

The mayor agrees. The pigeon buster opens up his briefcase, removes a little pink box, and goes off to rid the city of pigeons. Sure enough, the pigeons disappear immediately, and they don’t come back.

Three weeks later the pigeon buster returns to the mayors office to be paid. The mayor hands him a check for six million dollars.

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(Published: Mon, 19 Oct 2015 21:18:02 -0700)

Laughable Insurance Claims - Unusually Funny Facts
Mr Fairclough was driving home from Christmas shopping when, on a bend, a car coming the other way had a huge Christmas tree badly tied to the roof. "He was driving too fast and I saw the tree lift off and it flew straight at me.

The trunk created an awesome dent in my bonnet and caused me to run off the road and into a hedge." Mr Fairclough added: "The chap did not stop and he never came back for his tree so the Police said we could also have it.

It wasn't funny at the time, but looking back it was like a comedy sketch!"
A cat ran across the road and Mrs Carr did an emergency stop. Our claims handler explains: "As she stopped a Transit van hit her from behind and she thought she had run the cat over.
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(Published: Sun, 18 Oct 2015 10:43:00 -0700)

Actuary Underwriter Insurance Agent Competition -Man on a Window Ledge Threatening to Jump
An actuary and an underwriter are watching the eleven o'clock news. A story comes on involving a man on a window ledge threatening to jump.

The underwriter says, “I’ll bet you fifty bucks he doesn't jump.”

The actuary says, “I’ll take that bet.” A few minutes later the guy jumps.

As the underwriter reaches for his wallet, the actuary says, “Never mind. It’s not fair. I saw it on the six o'clock news”.

The underwriter responds, “So did I, but I just didn't think it would happen twice.”

Several years ago, we had an underwriting trainee who was none too swift. One day, he was doing a certificate of insurance and turned to a co-worker and said, “I’m almost out of paper. What do I do?”

“Just use copier machine paper,” she told him.
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(Published: Sat, 17 Oct 2015 15:14:00 -0700)

Insurance salesmen - Famous Longish Jokes
Here's 5 longish jokes about Insurance salesmen.

1. Mr. John Mumford III, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."
Mr. Mumford died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.
On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed
"I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Mumford, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It's what he would have wanted".
Then the preacher said: "I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Mumford. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it's what Mr. Mumford would've wanted".
The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: "I can't believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Mumford a check for the full $30,000!

2. Mr. James Barricks, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

"I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me."

Read more »
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(Published: Fri, 16 Oct 2015 19:03:55 -0700)

Student And Examination Jokes - Say NO to EXAMS - Special Offer......
Special Offer
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(Published: Wed, 07 Oct 2015 00:52:00 -0700)

Insurance Agent , Doctor , and Preacher -I wrote Mr. Johnson a cheque for the full $30,000
Mr. John Johnson III, was a rich old man dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, his doctor and his preacher:

“I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me.”

Mr. Johnson died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed “I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Johnson, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It’s what he would have wanted.”

Read more »
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(Published: Mon, 05 Oct 2015 01:30:00 -0700)

Insurance salesman and Risk manager -One of You Will Have to Sleep in the Barn
An insurance salesman, risk manager and a safety director are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. “I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” the innkeeper says.

The safety director volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed.

In a short time they’re awakened by a knock. It’s the safety director, who says, “There’s a cow in that barn. I’m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal.”

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(Published: Sun, 04 Oct 2015 07:38:07 -0700)

Insurance Agent - SelfStudy Education Requirements for Policy Agents
A state adopts strict new insurance self study Continuing Education requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.

On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.

“You’ll never finish this test on time,” the test administrator coldly states.

“Just give me the test,” replies the agent, “I’ll finish it.”

Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test.

The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.

“You can’t turn that in,” states the test administrator, “you knew there was a time limit.”
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(Published: Mon, 31 Aug 2015 00:33:00 -0700)

Underwriter And Insurance Agent Fun -The Train Passes Through a Tunnel
An underwriter , an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek.

The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.

The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.

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(Published: Sun, 30 Aug 2015 00:09:00 -0700)

Employees And Unwanted Insurance Agent-Cannibals were recently hired by a Health Insurance Agency
Several cannibals were recently hired by a health insurance agency. “You are all part of our team now,” said the HR Representative during the welcoming briefing. “You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don’t eat any of the other employees.”

The cannibals promised.

Four weeks later their boss remarked, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our
 CSR’s (Customer Service Representative) has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?”

The cannibals all shook their heads no.
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(Published: Sat, 29 Aug 2015 00:21:00 -0700)

Insurance Jokes- Salesman Boasting About Each Companies Service
Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.The first one said, “When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”

The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.”
The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as passed our floor.”

A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”

“Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “what am I going do?”

The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”

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(Published: Thu, 27 Aug 2015 00:40:00 -0700)

Government Benefits – GI Insurance -Which bunch they are going to send into battle first
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones’s sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: “If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries.

Read more »
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(Published: Tue, 25 Aug 2015 00:12:00 -0700)

Motor Insurance Agent - Camping and Relaxing in Motor Home-high-stress jobs
A couple I know enjoys getting away from their high-stress jobs in the city by spending a few weekends out camping and relaxing in their motor home.

However, they often found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers. So, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy.

Now whenever they set up camp they place this sign on the door of their RV…

“Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package.”


A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, “I think all insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn't like it, come up and do something about it.”
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(Published: Sun, 23 Aug 2015 00:18:00 -0700)

Motivational Stories The Ant and the Dove in The River
An ant is walking by the river. He looks at the river and says to himself, “How nice and cool this water looks! I must drink some of it.” But when he is drinking, he slips into the river.

“Oh.Help!Help!” The ant cries,

A dove is sitting in the tree. She hears him and throws him a leaf, “Climb up that leaf,” she says “and you will float bank.”

The ant climbs up onto the leaf, and the wind blows the leaf to the bank. And the ant is saved.

“Thank you, Dove. You’re so kind,” The ant says and runs home, “You have saved my life, and I wish I could do something for you, Goodbye!”

“Goodbye!” says the dove, “Be careful. Not to fall into the river again.”
Read more »
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(Published: Sat, 22 Aug 2015 00:52:00 -0700)

Life Insurance Jokes-If you should lose your husband, what would you get
A Life Insurance agent decides to take a good friend with him to the horse race track and enjoy the afternoon. When he returns home his wife asks, "How was your day, did you make any money."

He replies back "Well, I didn't make any money today, but my client sure learned how gambling with the numbers certainly does´t pay off."

"Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?" the life insurance salesman asked his client.

"What do you mean?" countered the woman.

"If you should lose your husband, what would you get?" asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, "Probably a poodle."

Read more »
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(Published: Fri, 21 Aug 2015 00:39:00 -0700)

Insurance Salesman In Heaven -Lyrmick about record covered with terrible flaws
This is a short lyrmick about an insurance man who goes to heaven.

Last night as I lay sleeping, I died or so it seemed,

Then I went to heaven, but only in my dream.

Up there St. Peter met me, standing at the pearly gates,

He said "I must check your record, please stand here and wait."

He turned and said "Your record Is covered with terrible flaws,

On earth I see you rallied for every losing cause.

I see that you drank alcohol and smoked and used drugs too,

Fact is, you´ve done everything a good person should never do.

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(Published: Wed, 19 Aug 2015 00:30:01 -0700)

Bricklayers Accident Report-I hope this answers your questions
This is supposedly a true account of an accident report filed by a bricklayer.
Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional
information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor
planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller
explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I was alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly more than 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form, that I weigh 135 lbs.

Read more »
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(Published: Mon, 17 Aug 2015 03:03:16 -0700)

Unacceptable Salesman Fire Revenge On Insurance Company
An insurance salesman thought he had come up with the perfect way of getting revenge on the insurance company that he'd been working for, for almost 20 years after they made him take early retirement.

He bought a case of extremely expensive and very rare Cuban cigars and had them insured against fire damage.

He smoked the whole case of 12 cigars, and then filed a claim against the insurance policy.

In his insurance claim, the ex-insurance salesman stated he had lost the Cuban cigars in “a series of 12 small fires”.

The insurance company refused to pay the insurance claim, citing the reason that he had just consumed the cigars in a normal fashion.

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(Published: Mon, 17 Aug 2015 02:44:21 -0700)

Types Of Friends In Human Life You Need To Have
Did you know that people without friends are more likely to die an early death? It’s true. Just ask science.

To up your chances of living a long, happy life, having a bunch of fair-weather buddies won’t do the trick. You need a diverse, well-rounded entourage that will stick with you th

rough thick and thin. The following eight types of friends are just what you need to keep the doctor away.

1. A Loyal Best Friend

Sometimes a loyal best friend is the only thing you need to stay sane. Everyone needs a non-judgmental friend who will support them no matter what. This is the kind of friend who lets you be a hot mess and knows all of your deepest and darkest secrets, but still loves you all the same.

2. A Fearless Adventurer

We live in a big world where there are so many places to see, people to meet, and experiences to be had, yet so many of us are stuck in our own routines and forget to, well, live. We all need an adventurous friend who will pull us out of our shells and introduce us to new ideas, cultures, philosophies, and activities.

3. A Brutally Honest Confidant

There’s certain situations in life where we need to hear the harsh truth. That’s what the brutally honest confidant is for. If you’re in a rocky relationship and everyone’s telling you that it’s perfectly normal that you’re back with that special someone for the 8th time in the last 2 years, the brutally honest confidant is there to yank your rose-colored glasses off and tell you, “Enough. Stop with all that break-up-and-get-back-together drama. You deserve better.“Friends are supposed to be honest with each other. If you find someone who is brutally honest with you (in a constructive way), then hold on to this person! People like that are hard to come by these days.

Read more »
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(Published: Wed, 29 Jul 2015 20:15:00 -0700)

Car Jesus And Divorce Lawyer with St. Peter At the Pearly Gates in the Heaven...
A young boy had just got his driver's permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to the study and said to the boy, "I'll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he'd best settle for the offer, and they agreed. After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the car.

Again, they went to the study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You've brought your grades up, and I've observed that you've been

studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class on Sunday morning. But I'm real disappointed since you haven't got your hair cut."
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(Published: Wed, 01 Jul 2015 07:56:35 -0700)

Bihari Jokes - Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas.

So he called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas
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(Published: Mon, 08 Jun 2015 00:49:00 -0700)

Religion Jokes The hypocrites are gone now. Preacher may begin the service
The 2000 member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. 

The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered through the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.


Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

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(Published: Sun, 07 Jun 2015 00:35:00 -0700)

Couple Jokes-The Best Restaurant on this Block
When you dine out and all the waiters are wearing gloves
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(Published: Sat, 06 Jun 2015 00:22:00 -0700)

College Jokes - The ways professors here at the American University grade their final
Here is a list of the ways professors here at the American University grade their final exams:

Dept Of Statistics: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

Dept Of Psychology: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

Dept Of History: All students get the same grade they got last year.

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(Published: Fri, 05 Jun 2015 00:23:00 -0700)

School Teacher And Student Jokes One Holiday Assignment
One day, after school was over, a teacher walked up to one of her students. For a school assignment she asked him to find four phrases,write them down then give them back to her the next day.

So, the student reached home and asked his mom if she had a phrase.

"Shut up!!!", exclaimed the mom.

Next, the student went to his brother and asked if he had a phrase.

"Bada bada BATMAN!!!", laughed the brother.

Next, the student went to the neighborhood janitor and asked if he had a phrase.

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(Published: Thu, 04 Jun 2015 00:09:00 -0700)

Couple Seven Year Life Itch PHILOSOPHICAL Stories
Those in a serious relationship have long been warned about the dangers of the seven-year itch. But research has found couples risk running into trouble far earlier-thanks to the seven-month slouch.

This is the point at which we stop trying quite so hard to impress our new love and start revealing all the bad habits that have so far remained hidden.

These can include unsavory bodily functions such as breaking wind in front of an other half, nose picking or letting armpits go unshaven. Before the milestone, most couples enjoy an extended honeymoon period where both go out of their way to keep well-groomed and observe good manners.

However, it seems once a couple has been together for around seven months they decide they really do love each other and start to let go.
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(Published: Wed, 03 Jun 2015 00:24:00 -0700)

Funny Bollywood song Translation in Different Languages
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(Published: Tue, 02 Jun 2015 00:08:00 -0700)

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